Modern Jedi NLP Mind Mastery

Every Monday I meet with a small group of entrepreneurs in a “mastermind.” We’ve been meeting since last September and have pooled our resources to study some of the best internet information marketers out there like Frank Kern, Eban Pagan, Jeff Walker, Rich Schefren, Jeff Johnson and others.

On more than one occasion this group has helped me keep my stuff together in the midst of stress, uncertainty and the inevitable roller coaster ride that is part of being an entrepreneur. We support each other, educate each other, hold each other accountable, and…

challenge each other…

So last Monday as I was wrapping up my registration for the Modern Jedi NLP Training, Rob Bronson, who we fondly call our “chief technology officer” got really passionate about sending out a challenging e-mail to wrap things up…

Rob can be extremely blunt. But I would rather have in my face honesty than a bunch of “yes” men. He’s been studying a course by uber copy writer John Carlton and frankly he’s been in so deep that he’s been a little bit hard to live with….

He was passionate, almost ranting, about how “you have to light a fire under people to get them to take action.”

Now, I normally take a much kinder, gentler approach to persuasion. I live by the NLP presupposition that “the meaning of your communication is the response you get”. I also live by the NLP presuppositions that “there is no failure, only feedback” and “the most flexible communicator controls the communication.”

So I took Rob’s letter (I actually toned it down a lot) and I sent it out to my e-mail list to see what would happen. Registration was pretty much closed anyway so I didn’t feel there was much to lose and at the very least we’d have a test of whether his ideas were valid or my preferred method was better…

So here is the e-mail:

(Warning this ticked off a lot my readers so as you read it now please keep a little emotional distance from it so you don’t get all offended and huffy okay? :o)

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Subject Line: Bad things are about to happen…

Dear ________________

Rob Bronson is one of my NLP students. He’s also my technology
coach and the main force behind my ability to do video and audio
on line. As part of my weekly master mind group he knows where
my heart is and my passion about this NLP stuff. He insisted on
writing this letter…Parts of it are a little blunt but I
think he makes a powerful point…read on

“Hi %$firstname$%, this is Rob Bronson, and I have a few
things on my mind that I can’t hold in anymore…

================================================
If you’ve already registered for the NLP training,
don’t read this.

If you have no interest in the NLP training,
don’t read this.
================================================

I know for a fact that you want what the Modern Jedi NLP
Training offers…

But if you are sitting there thinking about it.

Then this message is for you.

===============================================
Bad things are about to happen…
===============================================

What scares you the most?

$5 per gallon gas
War in the middle east
Economic uncertainty
Inflation
The mortgage crisis
Crime
Drugs
Healthcare crisis

Are you really prepared to deal with all that’s coming your
way? You’ve got problems you didn’t even know about

The point is what are you doing? Right now? This minute.

You have two choices.

1. Do nothing, and get what you’ve always gotten.

* You can continue to suffer.
* Your struggle will not end,
* You’re probably freaking out [right now],
* feeling sorry for your self.
* Being depressd.

You can try to ignore it, and sit there being afraid.

If you decide not to take action and learn NLP, are you sure you
can live with the consequences?

Are you able to accept that not taking action now is what
you’ve always done…

Ask yourself this:

what would your spouse or parents think about you sitting there
doing nothing?

what would your friends think about you sitting there afraid to
make a decision and move forward?

How are you going to explain to your children that you could
have made a better life for them if only you had made the choice
to take action now… or maybe you can’t afford kids yet?

So what are you going to do about it?

You have a second choice!

2. Take action now.

* Get the right tools, not walmart tools… samurai tools.

* Get help that no one has been offering before now…

* Get support where no one else would support you.

* Take back the power to call the shots in your life.

* Get the power to create your own economic destiny.
NOT the one everybody else is losing sleep over.

Do you want to have that power?
Do you want to be in control regardless of the outcome?
how would it feel to know that you could change anything…

In the end you really have only one choice.

You have until midnight to Take action put your money
down towards something that will change your life.

click here to take action now:
http://www.modernjedi.com/register.htm

============================================
If that’s not enough to jump at this opportunity,
then keep reading.

============================================

After midnight it’s over and there will never again be such a
generous offer.

There will be no bonuses… no private coaching…

No chance to take control..

Unless you Act on this One-Time-Only Offer.

If you buy this training before midnight, you will get:

* 2 hours one on one with Mark Shepard. People routinely
pay $500 per hour to get that (there are only a few of
these left).

You will also get:

* New Multi-Media Online NLP Training Module that
teaches you everything you need so that after you
come to the live training you have all the resources
you need to put it into practice and MASTER the material.
($4,764 value)

* 40 CD NLP Study Set
containing the entire 2007 NLP training for easy
reference at any time. (Value $1,500)

* Ongoing Coaching and Support Program to help you
with implement all you’ve learned there will be regular
“mastermind” sessions and practice sessions by phone as
well as in person. ($5,999 value)

* $1,000 Discount Coupon off of the NLP Master Practitioner
program should you decide to take the next level.
($1,000 value)

click here to take action now:
http://www.modernjedi.com/register.htm

See you in July!

Yours truly,

Rob Bronson”

==================================

Rob lays it out straight huh?

Mark

p.s. As an added Bonus,
Rob has offered a full 30 day free membership
to his “Point and Click Faster” program which is a
guide for the “non technology” professional to stop
wasting time with computer frustration.

I immediately got a very upset e-mail and so I figured I better check in and see what was going on. Here’s my next e-mail:

Dear _______________,

I’ve been getting a lot of mail about last night’s
“Bad things are about to happen” message.

A lot of response was positive. Some wasn’t…

I’d love YOUR opinion. at any point just hit reply
and let me know what you think…

here’s one passionate reaction and my response.

Oh! and there’s a secret at the end…

=======================================================
Dear Mark,

I’m glad I got this on Tuesday because that crap
is not how you would convince me to try to come [to the
NLP training].

That is too bad that a scare tactic was thought to
have been the way to get to me and maybe others.
Maybe it should have been considered that some of
the recipients would have had anxiety and phobias.

That e-mail was done in a tone that might freak them
and I am sure that is not what we all want for
them. Maybe it is just me seeing it that way but
regardless of my decision that was not what I would
want or need to hear from someone. By being negative
that only feeds into the worlds issues and you
are playing their game. One needs to look at the
positive and focus there and you will get more of
that in life.

I thought that is what we were all going for here.
I hope your day is filled with
POSITIVE things coming your way.—Scott

===================================

here’s my response:

===================================

Hey Scott
thanks for your feedback I really appreciate it.

I totally appreciate your reaction….
That’s why I normally take a much gentler approach…

However, NLP is all about being willing to test ideas…

there is no failure, only feedback….

My friend Rob insisted I was being too soft and that’s why
some people weren’t taking action….so I was willing to test
his theory to get feedback…

I agree with you that taking a strong approach like that
might stir some people up….But I would rather get a reaction,
any reaction than bland indifference…

I have to be honest with you Scott….

I have totally put my heart on the line and done
everything short of coming to your house and the
homes of the other folks who are on the fence about the
NLP training….

So I need to know what’s going on in YOUR head.

the people that come either to work with me 1:1 or to my
trainings and workshops get real results. It is typical
for them to totally transform their lives… massively
increase their incomes…improve every area…

But getting them in the door…overcoming their fears, and…
their excuses….getting their butts in the seats is
frustrating…this NLP stuff is so good, I wonder why
it isn’t a no brainer for folks…

what CAN I do to grab peoples attention and get them to
realize this program can make their dreams possible?

If I have to push in order to get people over the edge
of their inertia and doubts…I’m willing to take a chance
and try it….I’ve got nothing to lose.

…by pushing the boundaries…

What do you think? I need your input on this

What would make it so safe for you (moving towards)
that you and others like you would commit to being
at the training?

or what would confront you with the pain of staying the
way you are so much (moving away from) that you would
take a deep breath and say “yes! I’m there”?

I want to know this Scott.

What is the cost in YOUR life of NOT taking action?

How can I confront people with the COST of not changing in a
way that is gentle enough to not scare them but firm enough
to lead them in…

Can you tell me that? I need to know.

I can’t help anybody unless they take the next step
and register and then show up to the class….

I can’t help the millions of people out there who NEED
what I have to offer unless I can figure out how to
either pull them in with love or scare them in with the
consequences of not taking action…

…so I can greet them at the door with love and reassurance
and hand them the proper tools and support so I can prove
the FEAR and LACK is a total illusion….

So talk to me about this.

What would make it possible for you to be with us in July?
What would make it impossible for you to say no?

just hit reply and let me know…
==========================================

so that’s basically my response….

what do YOU think? was yesterday’s e-mail too harsh? or
too restrained? What would cause YOU to absolutely “be
there or be square” in July?

just hit reply and let me know

So that’s what I sent out…all the response is in a separate post labeled “the Big Response”

One thing I noticed in the responses is that while everybody told me whether they liked the e-mail or not (most didn’t) nobody told me the answers to my questions about “what would make you want to come to the training?”

Personally, I’m definitely over the old fears I used to have about offending people or being criticized… :o)

thanks for reading. Please feel free to put your two cents in by clicking the comments link below.

Mark Shepard, NLPT

For the record these are the responses I received to my request for feedback. I had sent out an e-mail blast with a letter from my friend Rob Bronson urging (okay more like “haranguing) my list to get off their “buts” and sign up for the NLP training.

I’ll talk about my reasons for doing so in a separate post. The most important thing to remember as you scan through these is that I actually received a HUGE amount of very valuable information about my list. I had always taken a very gentle approach because I instinctively prefer it. Rob’s insistence was that it’s always good to stir up the pot a bit and provoke people to react…

Well people certainly reacted!

-Mark

here’s the buzz: (you can add your two cents in the comments section at the bottom)

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I think this is EXCELLENT - very provocative writing.- Kathy

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It is not blunt… we are in very serious times as you know. - Martha

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I must admit it freaked me out since I just heard about some medical
issues my partner will have to deal with!!!! - k.

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I was turned off by the whole negative theme. - Marie

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I didn’t like that email, as both a marketer and as someone in your circle of followers. It did feel a little too negative, too “salesy”… - Michelle

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Too negative…I deleted it half way through. - Ellen

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did have a negative reaction to the Bad Things subject line; it seemed to run counter to what you teach. - Beverly

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WOW, the content in that email is so negative and depressing. Totally the opposite of your NLP teachings. I actually felt turned off and disturbed — not with the world, but rather with (I’m sorry for saying this) where it came from. I guess the question is “why did you feel compelled to try THAT way?” - Teresa

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Rob’s letter was blunt, to the point, and direct. It probably got a ton of attention! For some, it would be a complete turn off. If you think it was effective, then it worked. You won’t make everyone happy so keep that in mind.
-Julie

==============

It’s funny that I didn’t see the message before looking at your music.
Here’s my initial response:

I love your voice.
I love that you are going forward with your music.
Too often we stuff the good things about us somewhere else while we are out in the world as spiritual helpers. - Melissa

===============

I appreciate you asking my opinion on the matter. Actually I have 2 thoughts on the letter:

1. From the ole’ presuppositions of NLP…”the meaning of a communication is the response that you get.” Some people will respond negatively to that email, especially if that isn’t their motivational strategy. However,

2. For those that have an AWAY metaprogram your letter hit on Modal Operators of both Necessity and Possibility. It could be highly effective.

Will it be popular? Probably not. I might have issued a letter with that content using Softeners and Modal operators of possibility. Again. I don’t have all the training to analyze all of the content the way that I would like to but I think you are going to get a response.

I was once told that any response is a good response. Any publicity can be good publicity.

Personally, I don’t think that I would have sent that letter. I think there are more positive ways to present the same information and after all; Who knows? You may get more enrollment from those who respond to that type of motivational stimulai. You may have touched on a few heart strings.

I personally was not offended by it. I thought you had some valid points and think it could be very effective. I have learned that any thought,word or action will have an effect and that effect can be either positive or negative depending on your frame size. Let me know how things work out. - Tim

=========

By and large these emails don’t impact me because the industry is filled with them. Every chance is always the last chance… There is also an assessment made that people are either signing up for the course or doing nothing. This bifurcated approach only highlights the lack of perspective of the writer.

Stepping back from the hard assessment, it is clear your friend believes in you and your program and is trying to move the fence sitters off their positions. It may work with some and won’t work with others. The problem with this type of approach, as I see it, is that it will attract a certain type of individual and I would think that have a diverse crowd of individuals is always better to a room full of nodding heads. - Michael

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So will, some won’t, so what.

If you are fine with what Rob said and you thought it was a good idea then stay with it. After hearing the responses you change your mind, then you learned something about yourself and about your business.

My response to the email….I hope Rob is taking his own advice….LOL -Kim

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I thought the email made an assumption that i was not taking steps to change my life. my immediate reaction was, ‘that’s rather presumptuous’. However, my reasons for not signing up are the following:

-I’m not interested in becoming certified
-it’s way out of my price range - even the creative financing
options. too expensive for something i really don’t want to be certified in.
I’m a life learner but not at the level to preach/teach etc…
-the product and service may be overkill for the audience you are speaking to?
or split it up into a certification program vs. modules where people can
learn and grow but they don’t have to go and get certified to teach it.

hope this helps. good luck. i’ll still listen to ya’…:) ~Liz

===============

I am more in agreement with Scott than you. If that is the way something needs marketing, then it should remain unsold is my view. Replying with more marketing hype than one can shake a stick at is just rubbing salt into the wound, and actually serves to prove Scott’s point (to some extent) and certainly mine.

Regards,

Ian

================

When I read the beginning of that email, I immediately said to myself :scare tactic. I filter everything that I read or see
because I don’t operate from a point of fear and guilt; I operate from a point of confident awareness. Since I have chosen to separate myself and am not part of the fear and guilt culture that permeates our society these days, and since I do NOT consider this the Jedi-way of training, I find that your resorting to this tactic may be your part of your Journey; however, it is not part of mine. I don’t purchase or buy or believe in something because I am coerced or manipulated by the
fear and guilt we have been conditioned to respond to by today’s media and popular Christian views.

I am requesting that you remove me from your mailing list. Thank you. Kim H.

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Nah, I don’t think you were too harsh at all your just getting you point across, and if I didn’t live in the UK I would be there! cheers Daniel

================

Since you asking for more feedback: Frankly, I found your headline last night so off-putting in its tone I threw the email away w/o reading it. -GW

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My reaction was also negative. My reaction is tempered by having met you a couple of times, understanding the heart that you put into this and recognizing your authenticity. Still, the volume of emails, the length of some of them, and the tone of that last one can come across as harder core marketing even though that may not be where you’re coming from.

I commiserate with your position. It’s a difficult balance trying to get the message out, stoke people into action, and yet coming across as your genuine self. I fail on the side of not getting started on e-marketing despite my IT background and might do well to take some lessons from your concerted effort. I applaud you for your thoughtfulness, your energy and stick-to-it-iveness! - Jeff

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With all due respect, I too thought it was in poor taste, and not a marketing technique I would recommend to you or anyone else I care about. I wasn’t going to say anything, but since you explicitly asked for feedback, there you have it!

Chalk this one up to a “life lesson”!

- Tom

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As far as the tone of the email… I agree with Scott but I don’t take it as a threat or even freaky, I see it more like a ploy and a possible indication that you may be having difficulty filling the class. Marketing can be a tricky business so it’s important to be true to yourself and it will shine through to your audience

- Len

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I agree with Scott.

Chris

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I hadn’t read you “bad things about to happen” email until I got this one. But I would have to agree that it is motivation by fear and shame/guilt. It is inconsistent with most of the stuff you put out. I didn’t have any problem with grabbing our attention by framing the “itch.” This section….

>If you decide not to take action and learn NLP, are you sure you
can live with the consequences?

>Are you able to accept that not taking action now is what
you’ve always done…

>Ask yourself this:

>what would your spouse or parents think about you sitting there
doing nothing?

>what would your friends think about you sitting there afraid to
make a decision and move forward?

>How are you going to explain to your children that you could
have made a better life for them if only you had made the choice
to take action now… or maybe you can’t afford kids yet?

… is really bogus and make you sound desperate for clients (which I doubt is the case). It smacks of a religious fervor with NLP as the source of salvation.

However, you got me to respond for the first time to one of your emails. Maybe some paradoxical intent?

You can and have done better with your invitations.

peace,

Greg C.

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Mark,

I must admit I didn’t even read that email you referred to, until I received this email today. The other one was still in my “delete” box so I looked at parts of it. It did not impress me much at all. Whatever impact it did have on me was not positive–it made me even less interested in reading further.

I am not interested in the training to begin with, and the whole “Jedi” theme is a major turn-off to me. I pretty much stopped reading the emails that have anything to do with that whole gimmick in their subject line. It’s too gimmicky for my taste. If your own stuff is good enough, why do you need to take someone else’s idea and use their material to sell yours? It makes me feel like you are grabbing at straws. While I am interested in learning more about EFT and related topics, I am not interested in spending a ton of money on any of it right now.

Sorry.

Peggy

======================

I read the latest exchanges about the NLP Prac Training with a good deal of interest. For my two cents, I think you did an excellent job with the whole situation. - BC

=================

I have to say that I agree with Scott that this type of message, with all its’ good intentions and support of your work, is not something I respond to favorably.

I believe that I, as business person, I can put out what I have to offer and then take the spiritual approach to the responses. As long as I know I have been clear and in my truth about what I have to offer, the right people will connect with it.

-Rosemary

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I must say that i would never really join if got that mail.

but it does sound interesting it’s just so sad that I’m not as old so I’m still in school. Anyway, I’d prefer a milder way to tell that it’ll change my or someone elses life

keep up the good work

Hanne

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It just reads like the pitch at one of those “free” or nearly free seminars where they push their package of books and tapes.
“How much are you worth to yourself?” “I only charge because nobody takes anything seriously unless they have a financial commitment to it.” “I just want to give back..” (this one’s usually accompanied by slides of kids and vacations) “Imagine having more time for your family.”

It’s just marketing, I’m numb to it.

What would cause me to sign up? Pretty much nothing. Couldn’t afford the airfare or time off. I work and go to school full time, but I work for nearly nothing for a school district that had huge financial problems up until just this year. It’s time for better job, but school’s gotta be first since I put it off for 20 years mostly for other peoples’ priorities.

I don’t know any special marketing approach, I do everything online these days. A DVD package or webcast might be more appealing, but whether it’d be of as much value would obviously depend on how well the material works with that delivery method.

Then again, I have a pile of DVD’s I’ve purchased but not taken the time to view yet.

-Patrick

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You guys are good. Keep it up! - Andy

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silly letter.  Although I did read the whole thing. Still…….silly
letter - Jon

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I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments just click the little “comments” link below and express yourself! -Mark

Tim Shay was awarded the 2008 Gar Rowbotham Memorial NLP Scholarship to attend the Moden Jedi NLP Mind Mastery Certification July 12-20, in Connecticut. He was deeply moved by being chosen to recieve the scholarship and wrote this letter.

Dear Mark, Scholarship Applicants, & our friends/family that have sent such positive references:

I sincerely thank you. I am honored by you. Seriously, we have all taken a chance on this contest. We have invested time, emotions, thought and shared our stories for the world to see. We all have had great reasons for doing so and we have had times and events in our lives to validate learning NLP and TLT. I am honored to have been a party to such worthy contestants. Not that it was just a contest but more of a communal choosing or induction. Contests have winners and losers. We can all win in this scenario in the long run.
I hope to meet all of you in training and I am confident that we will be good friends. As a friend I would like to add my support to your goals as well. Anything I can do to help any of you achieve your dreams… Anything I can do to help you gain perspective…. Anything I can do to enable you to help yourself and others…. I will do without hesitation.
I would also like to add a more specific Thank you here to Mark and Staff. I am grateful for the opportunity you are affording me and I am certain that we are going to have a great time! I am looking forward to meeting you and as I learn and grow I will certainly reciprocate this act of kindness in the present and future as well. Your actions and choice to teach me does not and will not go unnoticed. You are helping me to help others and that is a noble act in and of itself. In short, I appreciate you and your efforts as a musician, educator and I wish you many successes.

Also, a note of thought about anyone who is “on the fence” deciding whether or not to take training. Do it! You can! Have faith in yourself! Have faith in the people that support you! Have faith in human kind! We all have choice!……..

Mark, I truly believe that your trainings and services are such a tremendous value that people cannot afford not to attend. I have done the research. I have done my homework.

Folks, if you don’t think you have the time; then you need the training. Time lining is about the subjective structure of time (from what I have read). If you don’t feel that you have the time, you are creating the “reality” of not having the time.

We all have the same 24 hours in a day. Don’t we? All time. All possibilities. And what does that say of money? It has been said that “Time is Money” for so long that it is a form of cultural hypnosis now. So learn how to manage your states, time, money and beliefs in 9 days?!?!?! The possibilities are endless! The necessity should be evident!!!

If anyone believes in their limitations about not coming to training; they NEED to come to training.

The only limitations that we have are the ones that we have learned and we can…. and it’s natural…. to have had experiences…. and learnings…. that means that we owe it to ourselves to find our limiting beliefs and behaviors and add more choice to our lives. We can choose excellence. We can chose prosperity. We can choose inner peace.

We can…..

Thank you again.

Tim Shay

The Gar Rowbotham Memorial NLP Scholarship

Gar Rowbotham was a pivotal mentor in my life. His recent passing caused me to reflect on a number of things.

How short life is…

How much time and struggle you can save if you have a coach or personal mentor….

How much sweeter life is when you are able to truly live up to your potential and make a positive difference in the lives of others…

Gar was always available to me. He always encouraged me and had a way of pointing out areas I needed to improve without being critical or harsh.

As part of my committment to share the Modern Jedi NLP Mind Mastery Material, and to honor the memory of Gar, I am offering one full scholarship to the 2008 Modern Jedi NLP Taining, July 12-20 in CT (exact location TBD). The scholarship includes all the bonuses, manuals, CD sets etc. The NLP Scholarship winner must take care of food, travel and lodging costs.

So here is how to apply:
Simply answer these questions in the “comments” section below.

I recommend you type this out in “notepad” or “wordpad” and then cut and paste into the comments box.

The winner will be chosen by a majority vote of the Modern Jedi NLP Council of Master Practitioners.

1. Why do you want to attend the 2008 Modern Jedi NLP Training?
2. What do you want to change in your life?
3. What do you want to change in your work/job/career?
4. Why should the scholarship be awarded to you?
5. References: Please have at least 1 friend or relative share why they think you should win the scholarship
6. What will you do with your new knowledge and skills after the training?

That’s it! Just go ahead and do it now!

- Mark

p.s. To leave your comments click the little blue hyper link below the tags that gives a number and then the word “comments”

Just got this e-mail from Paul Binkley who you might remember from my newsletter a few weeks back. Paul used the NLP submodality “Like To Dislike” technique to curb his appetite for micro brewed beer. He perfectly exhibits one of the main characteristics of a Modern Jedi NLP practitioner and that is “wanton curiosity and a willingness to experiment, explore and put new ideas into action.” BTW I’ll be interviewing Paul on Monday May 12 at 4:30 pm Eastern Time. To register for the call follow this link: www.ModernJedi.com/FreeClass.htm

Mark,

This focus thing has been on my mind this week. A friend was feeling really down over the loss of his mother to diabetes last year. The memory that had been haunting him was that of being with her right before she died and accidentally resting his hand on her bare leg. Due to the diabetes her leg was cold and hard as if she were dead already. The experience creeped him
out and had been the defining memory for him.

He was telling me about how negative the loss of his mother has been for him when he mentioned he was the only one with her the moment she passed.

I interrupted him just then and asked him to tell me the story of that event in detail.

He proceeded to tell me about being in the hospital with her and touching her cold hard leg again, then he started recounting the words he had said in her ear as she slipped in and out of consciousness. He told her that he and the others knew she was not afraid to die and was eager to go to a better place and that they were ok with that too. She had their permission to go
now if she wanted.

Then he remembered that his mother looked at him in that moment and, even though she could not speak, she got a tear in one eye and he knew that meant she understood and was happy in her last moment.

This is where I redirected his focus.

I marveled at how wonderful it was to be there in his mother’s final moment and even more so to have her last minute on earth be so fully connected in a loving exchange with her cherished son. I told him that everyone hopes to have such a last moment with their parting parents and loved ones.

He confessed that until I asked him about it he had all but forgot entirely about this part of what happened. Only the memory of the sadness of burying her and touching her cold hard leg had stuck with him.

He thought about what I had said and pronounced that having recovered his memory of her final moment and looking at it as I suggested, he now felt entirely different about the whole thing.

For the last few days, every time I see him, he thanks me for causing him to focus on the awesome experience of being with his mom in her last seconds, and that now it is the memory he clings to and goes back to when ever he is reminded of her, instead of the other memory that had plagued and depressed him for so long.

Thanks Mark for the NLP mini course “random reminder” to carefully choose where we focus.

Paul

Thanks for sharing this story Paul!

Mark

p.s. Please leave your questions and comments in the space below.

Hey fellow Modern Jedis,

Just got an e-mail from Aaron in Ohio who’s been helping co-workers and a men’s group at his church using Modern Jedi NLP tools and techniques. Check out what he has to say:

Hi Mark,

I have been using your tools, mostly in talking to coworkers to help them with fear.

I have been studying NLP going on 3 years through books and cd’s. I love your Modern Jedi out look, because as a star wars fan thats exactly what it feels like. I tell everyone at my job to join your web site.

If I could I would like to tell you what I do with what I’ve learned. The church I attend has a mens drug & alcohol program. My pastor asked me if i would be interested in giving the guys weekly bible studies. I jumped on the chance, because i felt like I had something that these guys could use to overcome their addiction for good. The challenge I had was how to teach nlp (without anyone knowing) and make it look like bible study.

To make a long story short nlp is all through the bible because its about people, taking action or not taking action. The guys love what i teach because i answer the question of why they do what they do, and show them how they can change it.

Well thanks for reading, I really look forward to the e mails in the morning,

peace & grooviness,

Aaron.

P.S. sorry if this e mail seems a little run on, but honestly this is the first e mail i have EVER sent someone like yourself. I really just wanted you to know that your touching lives all the way in ohio. thanks again Mark. God bless.

For me, this kind of letter just charges me up and motivates me even more to do my utmost to get this powerful bag of tools and techniques I call “Modern Jedi Mind Mastery” out into the world. This week I’ve had letters from Armenia, Ohio and closer to home here in Connecticut.

I’ll be sharing more as they come in. Thanks so much Aaron for taking the time to share your experiences.

That’s it for today’s post. As always I’d love to hear from you as well. Join the conversation and make a comment here on the blog (see link or box below)

Mark

Hey Folks,

Just so you know that we are not alone here in the USA where millions suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, read this letter I got from Inga in Armenia.

—– Original Message —-
From: Inga M.
To: mark@markshepard.com
Sent: Sunday, April 27, 2008 1:56:04 PM
Subject: A comment I want to share.

Dearest Mark,
God knows I was looking for someone to finally HELP me with my fear and anxiety! And I finally found you!!!!!!!! Please read until the end!!! My problem appears to be the same as you had experienced in the past. I have a singing anxiety and a VERY STRONG ONE!! The thing is, I have been singing in a choir for more than 10 years and there is nothing I enjoy more in my life!!

You might think I have anxiety during our concert performances. Nothing of the kind! I’m fine there, maybe only a little nervous at the start and just before going to the stage, but then I regain my normal breath and simply enjoy singing. (though it wasn’t always like that, but I really can’t analyze and tell you what helped me to cope with this one I used to have)

Now my current problem is more trivial than you can think…. It’s the daily routine rehearsals that we have 4 days a week. Whenever the conductor works on a certain piece that our sopranos do not sing very well, e.g. there’s a tone problem, or something is wrong with the color, or the phrase is not smooth enough, (I’m sure you know what I am talking about)

So, just when she is not satisfied with our singing she starts asking to sing the same “tricky” phrase ONE BY ONE to spot the guilty one! I am supposed to be one of the leading voices and when we sing all together, like a choir, I’m singing with all my strength and emotions.

BUT when she starts asking me to sing solo……..that’s where my heart starts beating 200 per minute, I sweat, get red in the face, gasp, there’s a terrible spasm in my throat and I simply can’t make a sound! Then she just insists on me singing and I finally make some croaking sound and she gets frustrated and asks me to do it again and again and everybody is listening very attentively in silence….

This is simply horrible! I know you told me I must not TALK about my experience, cause this makes things even worse. And you are 100% right!!

I was so excited as I was going through your videos!

click here to see How to “Stop Anxiety In 10 Minutes or Less”

And when you actually reached the point where you were giving the secret I gasped with hope….. Now, I’m finally going to know the secret that will put an end to all my miserable feelings!!! Dearest Mark! I don’t know why, but it just didn’t work with me! NOT AT ALL!!!

You are asking at the beginning if I have that sour feeling in my mouth and more saliva as I am imagining cutting a juicy lemon, YES! I clearly had more saliva and the sour taste in my mouth! That part was incredible! I got your point very clearly!

But as you went on explaining how I should go 15 minutes into the future and then look back at me having sung successfully….. I don’t know maybe my fear is SO strong that it blocks my imagination whatsoever! I can’t imagine myself singing well when I am sitting there and the conductor goes: Inga please, now it’s your turn to sing!

Oh, Mark, I do wish with all my heart that I could do as you are telling me, but I’m trying and nothing happens, Just blank mind….

I can FEEL that what you are saying simply changes many people’s lives! BUT not mine! Why??? I’m so desperate! Please help me with more advice!!!!

Very sincerely your patient
Inga M.

Here’s my reply:

Dear Inga,

You’re right, I can totally relate to your solo singing experience. Remind me to tell the story of how I “tried” to play French horn once in church and got so nervous nothing would come out except very embarrassing “fart” noises… :o)

The anxiety technique is, as I pointed out in the video series, “the cherry on top.” It’s a technique we usually use at the end of a full day of clearing techniques where we:

1. apply a whole series of linguistically designed questions to loosen the problem
2. further loosen the problem by eliciting and interrupting the underlying strategy, the “how do you do it” process.
3. clear negative emotions using time line therapy
4. clear the root cause event or limiting decision or limiting belief system underneath the problem.
5. do the fast phobia model
6. do swish patterns and anchoring
7. do EFT
8. do the anxiety technique
9. do hypnosis

Unfortunately sometimes the negative “knee-jerk” response is so intense that you need to work 1 on 1 but it’s usually worth it because we often end up clearing the root cause of this challenge which no doubt has shown up in other areas of your life even though in the other areas it doesn’t trigger quite as intense a reaction.

One thing you can do immediately is speak to your director in private and explain the problem. You have a right to not be put on the spot and be made miserable. Your director’s intention is obviously to make the performance stronger and better. Not worse.

If she wants your voice in her choir she has to be willing to be a flexible communicator and learn how to work with you as well.

A couple of Modern Jedi NLP beliefs:
a. The meaning of our communication is the results or response we get.
b. There is no failure only feedback.

The feedback for your director is that this particular technique of putting you on the spot is not creating the result she wants. The feedback for you is that something needs attention.

To keep her from getting defensive use the feedback sandwich which I discussed in last week’s blog post at
basically,

1. Postive statement: “I love being in this singing group. I love to sing and I love contributing. I truly value your leadership and your desire to encourage us to sing our best.”

2. Constructive comment: “AND when you single me out It triggers some really deep fear and panic that I’m working on but I’m not yet able to control. It totally freaks me out and I can tell it frustrates you and embarrasses everybody. Is it possible to rehearse in some other way so that for the time being, while I’m working on clearing this, I can avoid being put on the spot?”

3. General positive statement: “Again, I really enjoy singing with this group under your
direction. And I so appreciate your sensitivity to this. It means a lot etc.”

something like that.

Another thing you can try immediately is to go out a lot further into the future and look back at having resolved this issue. Also make sure you are up above your time line looking down as an observer. Whether you are looking through or own eyes or seeing yourself through the eyes of an observer is crucial.

It often helps to shrink the other person (or people) involved in the situation down and make yourself huge like the jolly green giant. Be sure to pull the imaginary camera back so you see yourself as an observer towering over the director and the other choir members. See and hear and feel yourself singing so powerfully and joyously that the mountains tremble! I wouldn’t suggest that you see the other choir members trembling as well and being totally intimidated and admiring of you but if it helps go for it.

If you are serious about clearing this problem and turning the “solo” moment into something you look forward to because it’s your chance to show off and earn the admiration and respect of your fellow singers, let me know and we can set up an appointment to work 1 on 1.

( Note: I had no Idea she was writing from halfway around the world)
- Mark

p.s. may I have permission to share your story so that other’s can learn and benefit from your experience?

Inga’s reply

Dear Mark,
THANK YOU SO MUCH for answering my letter,you are really helping me a lot already!!!! I truly appreciate it! Now I see why it didn’t work for me the fist time . Because I was not prepared! You are doing lots and lots of things during the sessions that I believe are truly effective!

I do wish I could come and join your group or even take your wonderful one on one course of therapy! That would be great, ànd thank you very much indeed for offering me help! But the thing is, I’m living far away, in Armenia, Yerevan and this makes the whole thing impossible!

But what I really intend to do is I am going to follow all your “cool stuff” and read all the newsletters that you give on the site and listen to your great songs and practice what I learned from you and remain your very very grateful patient!

P.S. And of course you can share my story with others! I don’t mind at all!
THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!
Inga.

What is most important from Inga’s experience is that

1. Often the experience of anxiety or panic or phobia is extremely specific. It may happen in only certain conditions and not others. In this case, Inga can sing fine in a concert but not when singled out to perform solo under the critical eye of the director.
2. Once the right conditions are met it triggers an intense physiological reaction that is beyond the control of conscious, logical thinking process.
3. Often just talking about it can recreate the negative experience which is why I don’t recommend talk therapy for this (Nothing against talk therapy just not for phobias or panic attacks because it can actually strengthen the negative reaction).
4. One really good technique, like the one I walk people through on my clearfear.com site ( click here to see How to “Stop Anxiety In 10 Minutes or Less” ) is often enough to totally change the experience. BUT sometimes we need help outside of ourselves in the form of a coach or therapist or fellow NLP student to enable us to get the distance or leverage needed to clear the deeper underlying causes and triggers.

In the Modern Jedi NLP training my team and I have all been through our own versions of hell and have each used NLP to clear our stuff. There have been times when I called each of my students and had them help ME clear stuff I was having trouble clearing on my own. They’ve helped each other as well.

That is why I’m so damned passionate about creating a community of practitioners here in Connecticut as well as across the USA and around the world.

Please forgive me if I quote my own lyrics:

Can’t do it by myself
So I’m asking for your help
Together we can change the world
Together we can change the world…

Thanks Inga for being willing to share your story and your challenges so freely.

-Mark

p.s. I’m intently at work on creating several multi media NLP lessons that I can hopefully put up on the web in the next few weeks that will give you more tools you can use whether you take the Modern Jedi NLP training in July or not. I’ll set them up so you can do them on your own or with a friend.

p.p.s Please join the conversation and leave your thoughts and comments below!

 

Ah… the challenges we face as we attempt to communicate with each other in ways that actually get results… the results we want that is.

Recently someone near and dear to me was upset by something I did.

I checked my e-mail just before going to bed and zap! I suddenly found myself feeling really angry. In NLP when something suddenly and intensely changes our state, we call it a negative anchor or a trigger. When we find ourselves reacting to something with a lot of emotion (above a 5 on a scale of 1-10) it it usually triggering some old stuff from childhood. I was feeling anger at about a 9.

BTW this is a little ironic because since using Time Line to clear my anger (along with fear and other old toxic emotions) I can now actually FEEL anger whereas before I stuffed it and it collected and built up without acknowledging or resolving it. I know that may be a bit confusing but I don’t have time to explain it right now. I promise to address this in future posts. Suffice it to say that now I feel anger and can usually express it constructively so it doesn’t build up.

Anger is a perfectly normal response when we feel our boundaries have been violated.

I’m sure my friend was angry at me. He TRIED to give me feedback. He really did his best. I know his intention was positive. It’s just the WAY he did it that triggered MY anger.

Have you ever tried to give someone feedback only to have them get all angry and defensive? You really want to help them but the more you try to communicate your insights and helpful suggestions the more they want to strangle you?

Or perhaps you have more experience with it being the other way around and wanting to strangle the well meaning supervisor, colleague, teacher or parent that is giving you the feedback.

In business feed back is usually given like this:

Manager: I really love the way you went after the Jorgenson account and made the sale, but, you really need to spend more time cold calling….

Parent: Honey you got 3 “A’s” on your report card but what about this “D” in math?

The person receiving the feedback will always focus on the last statement. In addition, we are often not conscious that the word “But” functions to negate what’s been previously said. So typically the salesperson or the student ends up muttering to themselves that no matter what improvements they make the boss or parent just notices the negative so why even bother trying to improve…

Example: “This soup tastes good but it’s a bit salty…” The statement following “but” negates the statement before “but”. So the real meaning received by the cook is “The soup is not good.”

What happens when we flip it?

“This is soup is salty but it tastes good…”
The cook is focused on the soup tasting good with some helpful input into making it taste even better next time by adding less salt.

“You need to make more cold calls but, you landed the Jorgensen account.”
The sales person is focused on the fact that he accomplished bringing in the new account and can take positive action to bring in even more business.

“You got a “D” in math but look at these three “A’s”.
The student is focused on the three “A’s” with an acknowledgment that math needs some attention. Needing to improve the math does not detract from the legitimate successes of getting the 3 “A’s”

So “but” can be used positively but it often isn’t :o)

Here’s what happened.

my friend wrote:

I love that you are [reference to something that I did], BUT [several things that he objected to followed by a REQUEST (it felt like a demand) to undo what I did ]

Despite my training. I totally fell into a defensive belligerent knee-jerk reaction. (For you EFT practitioners out there, I was tapping on - “Even though I feel defensive and belligerent, why do I deeply and completely accept myself?” :o)

And I’ll say it again for the thousandth time, NLP doesn’t make us perfect it just gives us more resources so we can grab that precious moment before we slam the “send” button after writing out an angry reply… So after writing my angry reply, I saved the draft and forced myself to focus on something else more positive….

Now, my friend could have expressed his legitimate concerns in another way without having to remember a lot of complicated stuff. He could have used the NLP Feedback Sandwich but he hasn’t come to my Modern Jedi Mind Mastery Training in July so how could he have learned it?…

Here’s a simple solution:

It’s called the NLP Feedback Sandwich.

1. Tell them the positive.
Example: “I really appreciate that you are [positive stuff here]”

2. State the concerns (link #1 and #2 with the word “and” not “but”)

Example: “And I have some concerns/ideas for improvement, [state the concerns, the things that could be improved etc]”

3. Finish with an overall positive statement like “all in all I really appreciate your efforts and your commitment to the project and I know we can work together make this better or to share our mutual excitement about this etc.

so again

POSITIVE statement + FEEDBACK + POSITIVE statement = Person able to hear you and not get defensive.

And as I was thinking about all this in my own context of the moment, I realized that I had to take my own advice and
respond back to him with a feedback sandwich rather than an angry rant.

So here’s my response to my friend.

“Dear __________,

Positive statement:
Thank you so much for honestly sharing your concerns. I always know where I stand with you and that’s refreshing. I know your intention is the highest good of the project…

Feedback statement:
AND, my honest reaction to the way you gave me feedback was one of anger and defensiveness. I reacted really negatively to what I perceived as “being told what to do”.

My knee jerk reaction was to either refuse your request or quit the project altogether. Neither of which is very mature or productive. And neither of which was what you were trying to accomplish. That’s MY honest reaction.

Positive statement:
Again I appreciate your honesty and I apologize if I stepped on your toes in any way with my actions. My intention was to help. I only wanted to share the excitement and wonder I felt at being part of the project we are involved with. I know we’ll look back at this someday and laugh about it.

In the meantime, I know you are under a lot of stress and pressure. And you’ve done an amazing job of pulling all the pieces together for something exquisite and spectacular. What you are doing is really difficult and I’m always happy to hear and address your concerns, particularly knowing you are open to hearing mine.”

So sometimes Modern Jedi NLP Mind mastery is simply about being able to count to 10 and not reply out of an emotional storm. The feedback sandwich is just another tool in the arsenal. I just wish people would use it more with me! Cuz I respond so much better to it than the usual “this is really good but…” :o)

One of the reasons I used to give in to old patterns of social anxiety and isolate myself was because I hated “feedback” I perceived it as criticism. Couldn’t handle it. In fact you might say I had a “feedback phobia.” So I got really good at self evaluation. I developed the ability to learn on my own.

Even Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods have coaches and had to be able to receive feedback. My own failure or inability to receive the positive benefits of good feedback probably cost me years of wasted time in my businesses.

This is partly why I’ve made such a deep commitment to do my utmost to teach the Modern Jedi NLP Mind Mastery program to as many people as possible in a way that goes beyond all the old patterns and habits of typical feedback. So that the learning experience can be transformational in and of itself. www.ModernJedi.com

Sometimes we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and dare to crack a smile…at our own self importance, egotism and human frailty…

At least YOU should! I’m going out for a walk…

…ALONE ;o)

Mark

p.s. please feel free to click the “comment link” below and join the discussion. Any specific examples in your life of how you deal with feedback or criticism?

p.p.s. Any other NLPers out there who have had experience with the feedback sandwich? Put your two cents in.

Post script: After sending my feedback sandwich to my friend, I got a grateful reply from him admitting that he was under a huge amount of stress and that he really appreciated my caring response. The bottom line is the feedback sandwich enables you to speak your truth and own your own stuff but in a way that enables the other person to hear it. This friend of mine is really important to me and I wanted to preserve our friendship and speak my truth. So try this today!

Check out this extremely important interview I did with Michael Guerin. I know it’s long but the best part is towards the middle and end so I sincerely urge you to watch or listen to the complete interview.

Michael had suffered from severe phone anxiety and agoraphobia for years until he decided to come and work with me 1:1 to clear it. I think we did a total of 3 or maybe 4 NLP sessions which included Time Line Therapy ™ and EFT (emotional freedom technique).

You’ve got to see this video because Mike and I are having so much fun talking about this stuff! It’s kind of hard to imagine this guy ever being terrified of business networking or making sales calls or following up on referrals.

{Please note due to technical challenges I had to temporarily take this video down It will be back soon.}

For more information about my Clear The Fear Fast programs visit: www.ClearFear.com

If you’re in business and have questions about credit card processing or merchant account issues, check out Michael Guerin’s site: www.AmpYourCashFlow.com